How I'm Befriending Myself in My Thirties
The top three most impactful moves I've made this far (don't knock 'em till you try 'em!)
We often focus on befriending others or being a good partner, parent, neighbor. But that kind of care is rooted in how we treat ourselves. When you befriend yourself, it becomes easier to show up for the rest of your life with more clarity, compassion, and steadiness.
Hello! Come in, come in! There’s tea on the stove and crumpets in the oven. (I’m a shrew wearing an apron embroidered with strawberries.) Actually, I’m a barefoot human wearing denim cutoffs and my husband’s old Steve Irwin t-shirt because it’s 72 degrees in Portland today! Huzzah! I hope you’re feeling sunshine on your skin wherever you find yourself today.
The Spring Equinox marked my 33rd birthday, and I spent it searching for whales in the sounds and bays of the San Juan Islands. Have you ever been? Absolutely stunning, and reminded me of Maine (I love Maine). It was a perfect way to ring in a new lap around the sun, immersed in nature with my family and very little phone service.
This season of my life is oozing with self-love and acceptance, joy and playfulness, and gratitude that often leaves me teetering on the edge of tears. To state the obvious, life is a rollercoaster ride—sometimes you’re yelping with joy, other times you’re white-knuckling your way through a loop-de-loop, and on some occasions you’re throwing up into the wind (sorry). I currently feel like I’m clack-clack-clacking up a steep incline, and I’m not sure what comes after the peak, and it’s utterly thrilling. It’s what I wished for when I blew out my birthday candle.

As I’ve rounded the track into my thirties, one of the greatest lessons I’m learning is simply to befriend myself. It looks like a whole lot of different things, three of which I’ll share with you below, but I will tell you truthfully that it has been the foremost transformative daily practice of my life to this point.
It might sound quaint at first read, but I’m about to get evangelical about it, because I believe befriending yourself is a gateway to a rich, fulfilling and beautiful life that isn’t dependent on circumstance. It means choosing, over and over, to treat your inner world with the same tenderness you’d offer a beloved friend. It’s not about perfection, or finally arriving at some version of yourself that feels “worthy”—it’s about practicing presence, care, and patience with who you are, right now. And practice is a key word here.
If you’re a friend on Instagram, you’re probably well aware that we’re halfway through Warm Bread’s 30 Day Befriending Yourself Challenge, where I post a simple, daily prompt that encourages each of us to deepen our relationship with ourselves. Day seven was “give yourself permission to rest” and day ten was “wear something that makes you feel good,” to give you a taste.
What I want to emphasize is that the small acts matter. They might seem quiet or inconsequential—like drinking your tea in peace, or choosing kind words when your instinct is to self-criticize, or letting yourself rest when you feel the need. But over time, these are the things that build trust with the most important relationship in your life—the one with yourself. They say:
I see you.
You matter.
You’re safe with me.
We often focus on befriending others or being a good partner, parent, neighbor. But that kind of care is rooted in how we treat ourselves. When you befriend yourself, it becomes easier to show up for the rest of your life with more clarity, compassion, and steadiness. So yes—these moments are small, but they ripple.
I thought I’d share some broad strokes of the ways I’ve begun to intentionally befriend myself over the past six months. Here are the top three most impactful moves I’ve made this far:
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